My New Queen Sized Bed

Last night* I slept on a queen size bed in my own room for the first time in my life. I've always had a twin size bed and was never interested in trading it for a larger bed when I've been offered other beds in the past.

There's been a whole list of practical reasons for my attachment to my twin bed:

• I already have twin size sheets and blankets I like and have to find new ones if I got a larger bed.

• It takes up less space in my room.

• It's what I'm used to.

• Switching beds would take more work than keeping the one I had.

• The bigger beds I've been offered have been water beds, which I'm not a big fan of.

Those practical reasons haven't changed and still kind of annoy me a little, but there's something else, and that has changed.

There's a song by Death Cab for Cutie (see lyrics below) that puts into words better than I could why I didn't want a queen size bed in my room until I “needed” it. I wasn't exactly afraid, but almost. I didn't want that much extra space to feel lonely going to bed by myself at night. I didn't want to make room in my bed for someone else only to have them never come, or to end up sharing it with the wrong person. I didn't want to wait forever for the right person to come fill that space beside me.

But now there's a different feel to all that. I'm not trapped waiting for someone, and I'm not trying to fill a space beside me with guys who aren't worth it. I've actually met someone I want to wake up next to because it feels so right being with him. I'm not adding an empty space beside me (even though it's physically still empty most nights), and I'm not adding space for someone just because having anyone beside me sounds better than another night alone.

I don't want to jump ahead of myself, but I can't help thinking that sharing space and my life with this man will continue to feel right for a very long time, and I hope that's true, cause this is a good feeling.

Your New Twin Sized Bed

You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed

with a single pillow underneath your single head

I guess you decided that that old queen was more space than you would need

and now it's in the allay behind your apartment with a sign that says it's free

and that I hope you have more luck with this than me

you used to think that someone would come along and lay beside you in the space that they belonged

but the other side of the mattress stayed like new...

*actually two nights ago cause I rarely get things posted the day I write them.