Church of the Unbelievers

They kept telling us the rapture was coming. They said we needed to be saved, to join their church, to evangelize to all our non-believer friends. They called us non-believers and never took the time to listen to what we do believe, after all everybody believes something.

Then they had their “last chance” worship service. They said everyone was invited but fifteen minutes after the service started a dozen or more non-church members came back out of the church. They reported that the church members had told them if they weren't ready to join the church and testify their belief in the imminent rapture they were beyond saving and no longer needed to be there.

Perhaps it was morbid curiosity, or just an excuse to party, but while the church members prayed their way to rapture the rest of us ate, drank, talked and laughed. It was ironic the way the tension of disagreement and arguing about beliefs dispelled that night. Everyone who knew they were going to be raptured was in church busy praying, and the rest of us were willing to accept each other as we were.

Some of us kept looking over at the door to the church to see if and when they were going to come out thumping their Bibles, but they never did. In fact some of us were out all night and nobody ever left the church. And nobody went in looking for them. They might have been right but it was much more peaceful without them.

This post was written for Flash Fiction Friday.

This is a map to where I live.

This is a map to where I live.

didn't I write that for school last semester?

or something like that...

I think I live in confusion.

If there was a map of my head,

it would make life easier.

I live on the edge of school,

where one step to the left

means my life depends on getting good grades,

but half a step to the right

means I could just not care,

because none of it is really, about real life anyway.

At the crossroad of work,

where I love my job,

and I love my kids,

and I have fun with my coworkers,

but I hate the values,

and can't believe the lack of parenting

some of my kids get,

and I want so bad to do what I feel is right,

but have to fit the system,

and hate it when I can't

even speak my mind to coworkers

because to really speak out

could cost me my job

or at best cost me,

any respect I've earned there.

I can't afford to lose that respect,

not when I need it to continue

to advance my career,

but sometimes I wonder,

if even that is worth it.

I live across the street from the ideal social life,

from some sort of popular in crowd,

that invites me into their circle,

and welcomes me as I am.

I live on the edge of town,

within earshot of the church bells ringing

with calls to tradition and conformity,

and within sight of the woods

calling new songs,

and even older songs,

a different winding path to faith.

Prompt from A Writer's Book of Days: This is a map to where I live.

You are my sanctuary.

God you are my sanctuary,

my safe place,

my space to rest,

the arms I long to hold me,

the voice of love

in a friend reaching out to me.

You are my sanctuary.

You make me a sanctuary.

You hold me close,

when I feel alone.

You are everything I long for

even when I don't know it.

You are my comfort and teacher.

You are the hand that guides me,

the friend that comforts me,

and the spirit in me

when it's my turn to be a comfort.

You prepare me to be a sanctuary

and you are my sanctuary.

You are my voice and guide in the silence.

You are my strength.

You lift me up when I fall

and hold my hand

when I feel like I'm floating away.

Wonderful Weekend Craziness

This weekend was fabulous. I spent the whole weekend at a Leadership Now Justice Summit and reunion with some of my favorite people. It was awesome - great conversations, great workshops, great people, and just the right mix of meaningful and funny moments. It kept me busy and gave me a lot to think about, but I'm happy to say I some how managed to keep up with my writing in between everything else.

I won't subject anybody to my in-cohesive rambling in response to Friday's prompt (Write about Sunday afternoon). I've also decided my writing from Saturday (Write about a time someone said no) is too personal to share. Today's writing is also really random, rambling and in-cohesive, but I'm going to share it anyway since it's vaguely related to this weekend..


Prompt from A Writer's Book of Days: You're standing in a doorway.

I'm standing in the doorway. Waiting for something. A push to move forward. An invitation in. it's like I'm on the edge of living. Not confident enough to step into the room, but wanting to enjoy the party. Like there's an invisible wall, a bubble keeping me out. I can look through the doorway, but I don't know how to step through, or maybe I'm not sure which way I'm goin, which side of the door I want to be on, I could step to one side or the other, but I don't know which to go to, or maybe I'm at the end of the hall where I'm surround by doors and I don't know which to take. I could stand up boldly for justice and sacrifice everything, if I could be brave enough. Or I could wonder along on the edge of things, subtlely hinting I believe there could be better for the world but never loud enough or brave enough to scream it from the roof tops. I could say the world is more important than me, or I could put myself, my education, my learning first for now, and hope someday I can pay it forward and more. I could step through the door and declare my faith, announce what I believe and try to impact the world, but maybe I like it in the hall, listening in to six conversations, pulling what I need from each. Maybe my place is in the hall, reaching a hand into each room, connecting people who would never step out of their four sided box rooms. Maybe if I stand in the hall and talk to the children as they're funneled towards their parents closed off rooms they'll see what I see from the hall and maybe some day the walls will fall. Maybe the doorway is the place to be.

Unwinding

Come to the center,
distractions fade,
sitting in,
the shadow of God,
walked a path,
closer to you,
now it's time,
to unwind,
retrace the steps,
away from the center,
and yet remain,
centered with God.

Walking the Labyrinth

Faded paint,
soft echoes,
of stories told,
memories caught,
upon cold stone.

Quiet voices,
whispers on the wind,
creating anew,
todays stories.

Worn soft,
threads of time,
holding us together,
tying past to present.

Handprints left,
to mark this place,
a space to be,
alive with God.

Keeping Watch

I am waiting,
watching,
seeking answers.

I see God's face,
but cannot read it.

The spirit whispers,
on the wind,
tugs at my heart,
calls to me in the night,
but what does it say?

How can God know me best,
when his face is shrouded in mystery,
when her voice is but a whisper,
both comfortingly familiar,
and foriegn to my ear?

How can I write,
God's vision on a tablet,
when I doubt my eyes to see it?

How can I speak for God,
when I question what I hear?

Writing to God

Dear God,
Walk with me.

Help me see your footprints,

beside me as I struggle.

Hold my hands,

so I can't beat myself up,

when I make mistakes.

Give me patience,

to wait for you.

Reveal your path for me,

like the moonlight.

Call me away,

from worldly distractions.

Keep my heart pure,

to serve you.

Hold me tight,

when no one else can offer,

the kind of love I crave.

Give me strength to face,

the challenges you set before me.
Pour out the love,
you've put in my heart for others.
Heal my scars of brokenness,
but don't let me forget,
how it feels to be hurt.
Help me to see,
your desires for me,
and live in your will,
not the will of this world.

I believe.... in something

I consider myself Christian, and have attended a Christian church since I was about nine. I'm comfortable in my church home, but there are some foundational beliefs in the Christian faith that I can't help but question on occasion. In fact about the only thing I can say with certainty about my faith is that I believe there is some form of God.

Though spirituality is important to me, not being able to identify the specifics about my personal faith doesn't usually bother me. Every once in a while I get the feeling that maybe I'm not being truly honest with myself when I say I'm a Christian, but my church is a big part of my life and the church I belong to allows plenty of room for diverse understandings of faith, so I easily accept that this is where I best belong right now, even if it doesn't totally represent my personal beliefs.

Perhaps because I'm so uncertain about how to classify my own beliefs, I'm easily intrigued by other religions and other peoples faith journeys. After seeing a friend post her results to a quiz about religious beliefs, I decided to check out the quiz (http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/Quizzes/BeliefOMatic.aspx).

The Belief-O-Matic quiz is supposed to tell you what religion you practice (or should practice). Naturally, I put my results below, but I was particularly intrigued by the first suggestion. I don't know much about Wicca and other Pagan beliefs, but the more I learn about them the more they seem to align with my own beliefs. I particularly like one Wiccan description I read of God and Goddess, which could have been my own description of God and the Holy Spirit (which for as long as I remember I've seen as distinctly female) put in writing.

1.	Neo-Pagan (100%)
2.	Unitarian Universalism (92%)
3.	Liberal Quakers (89%)
4.	Reform Judaism (84%)
5.	Mahayana Buddhism (79%)
6.	New Age (78%)
7.	Jainism (75%)
8.	Baha'i Faith (69%)
9.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (67%)
10.	Sikhism (65%)
11.	Theravada Buddhism (61%)
12.	Secular Humanism (59%)
13.	Taoism (58%)
14.	Orthodox Judaism (55%)
15.	Hinduism (55%)
16.	New Thought (53%)
17.	Orthodox Quaker (53%)
18.	Islam (49%)
19.	Scientology (48%)
20.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (34%)
21.	Nontheist (34%)
22.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (28%)
23.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (27%)
24.	Seventh Day Adventist (25%)
25.	Eastern Orthodox (19%)
26.	Roman Catholic (19%)
27.	Jehovah's Witness (13%)