Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Beginning to Glow

I've hidden in myself,
long enough I know,
clinging to my worries,
to save myself from me.

It isn't easy,
letting go,
but you take my hand.

Uncertain of my beauty,
I say I'm fairly plain,
just a simple woman,
inside and out,
nothing special really.

I wouldn't say I'm ugly,
but only others say,
I'm beautiful.

Shhing all my protests,
you say there's light inside,
my eyes are blinded to it,
but you say it's there,
and if I try to grow it,
I'll surely glow with it.

Pretending I can see it,
I try to be that light,
no one else can know,
but I'm starting to believe it,
that light is really there.

With every mention of a light,
I think of that,
deep hidden glow,
and every time I picture it,
it shines a little brighter.

Then some else confirms,
"You have a glow about you."

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Something Different

Caught off guard,
by words I heard,
"It seems to me,
there's something different."

Something different,
a change in me?

I shrug,
and wonder,
what it means.

Have I really changed,
silently slipping,
into something different?

More colorful,
more confident,
more sure of myself.
They say I'm becoming,
a person of my own.

I try to fight the words,
to change is frightening,
but maybe,
it's true.

I'm a different me,
from what I used to be.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Twisted Humor

With twisted sense of humor,
God stops me in my way,

calling out my name,

"lay your cares before me,

I'll light a path for you."


I beg my friends,

to call me crazy,

for hearing this,

unworldly call,

and yet,

they all say,

"pray."


With every thought,

I grow more certain,

I'm called to go,

and terrified of that.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Sensing a Storm

I see...
the clouds roll in,
like blankets,
protecting me,
from the light of day.

I smell...
the sharp sweet aroma,
of coming storms,
buzz of electricity mixing,
with subtle earthiness of rain,
dancing together,
like preschoolers singing,
two different songs.

I hear...
the wind,
like whistles in the trees,
the rain,
like drums on the roof,
coursing a beat through me,
both calling me to dance,
and lulling me to sleep.

I feel...
raindrops drench my skin,
waking me up with excitement,
like the first plunge,
into a spring swimming pool,
while wind tugs at my hair,
like gentle little fingers,
"fixing" it for me.

I taste...
the air,
filled with dampness,
mingling earth,
and rain,
and storm,
like the sweet spicy delicateness,
of warm tea mixed with honey.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Starting a New Notebook

The First Page

Guess what?
I've used up,
every page,
of my last notebook.
A new one calls,
with crisp white page,
just waiting to be filled.
The smell of paper,
fills my nose,
with pen in hand,
I try to say,
the perfect thing,
to start a new day,
in my writing way.



There's nothing quite like the feeling of filling a notebook. It just seems to complete a sense of accomplishment that I've written enough to fill a notebook. I may have written a lot of junk in my last notebook, but I'm proud of filling it and I even think some of it turned out pretty good. So today I'm starting a new notebook, and to start a new notebook I always struggle to find the right thing to say on the first page. It always feels as if the blank notebook is perfect and if I say the wrong thing I'll ruin it, yet all those blank pages call out begging to be filled with words. Good or bad I have lots of words to fill them, I just need to drag those imperfect words out of my head and onto the pages.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Poem and a Prayer

Heart's Desires

My reasoning head,
must fight to silence,
the illogical longings,
of my heart.
Pressing against,
my hearts desire,
to cast away,
the sanity of reason,
my mind demands,
my full attention.

My willful heart,
against all reason,
presses back,
pushing me,
from inside out,
to take a risk,
to trust the aching,
longing cry,
of beating heart,
that will not cease,
to feel the pain,
of others hurt.

I'm sure my body,
will explode,
if I can't stop,
the battle inside.

My heart must fight,
against my mind,
to say the thing,
that's deep inside.
To speak aloud,
my hearts desire,
must surely mean,
my needs are dire.
I'm losing every sign,
of sanity,
yet the longing,
ache remains,
pressing ceaselessly.




Dear God,
Hold me close.
Give me faith to trust,
the longing you put in my heart.
Help me to be your hands.
Give me eyes to see,
the path you lay before me.
Make my heart true,
so I can serve you better.
Heal my aching,
so I can love you fully.
Let me wrap others in your love,
as you have blessed me with friends,
who wrap your love around me.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Moon Song

Inspired by the writing prompt "Give me a moon story"

Moon Song

I stare in wonder at the moon,
it's face a shining orb.
Each night it changes, as I watch,
color glows from red to white.
It's shape grows ever rounder,
til it starts to wane,
slimmer,
dimmer,
night by night.
It's light is never the same.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

God of Light and Stars

This prayer/poem was inspired by a combination of conversations with a friend and last weeks writing prompt from a prayer group at church (which may have in part inspired the conversation that helped me form this into words).

God of Light and Stars

Dear God,
I feel you in the night,
when star light guilds the sky,
you brush against my skin,
with cool and tender touch.

While hiking in the night,
you touch my path with light,
to guide me on my way.
Through the starry sheen,
I see you in the trail.

With the gentle glow,
you show me your true self,
inviting me to be,
the best I can for you.

With this unearthly light,
I see you in creation,
and I become a part of you,
a part of light,
to love the world for you.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Unanswerable Questions

Unanswerable Questions

in honor of the friends who challenge me, and love me through the confusion.


Pushing, prodding,
you challenge my thinking,
with questions unanswerable,
you keep me awake.

Frustrations abound,
in efforts to answer,
and yet, to ponder,
the unanswerable questions,

is freeing.

At last unleashing,
the chains of heartache,
pains pushed aside,
but not forgotten.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Exhaustion

Waiting for exhaustion,

complete and total exhaustion,

The moment I no longer,

have to think,

because the thoughts,

Clambering about my head,

are too jumbled,

to realize,

I'm ignoring them.


Yet,

in the moments before,

as exhaustion just begins,

My tired mind,

confesses the truths,

Hidden deep within,

by my,

more rational,

waking

self.


With dread,

...and longing,

I await,

the moment of truth,

Where honest thoughts,

locked up in fear,

escape,

and rush,

onto my page,

Before my saner,

wakeful mind,

Can shush their daring,

crazy cries.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Writing to God

Earlier I asked my frequently annoying cousin to guess what I wrote yesterday, and one of the things she guessed was a love letter. Somewhat take back I told her I didn't have anyone to write a love letter to. She said I should still write a love letter "just to experiment" and than she challenged me to write a love letter to God. Even as I told her I didn't think I could I knew I would try it, just because I can't resist a challenge....

So I'm not really sure if it's a love letter, perhaps psalm would be a better word for it, but here is what I wrote:

Letter to God

Dear God,
My words are too small,
for your magnificence.

I am but a child,
young,
naive,
unworthy of you,
and yet your love is greater,
than my bravest dreams.

The touch of your breath in my hair,
sends shivers down my spine,
I delight in your power.

You send the sun to shine upon me,
my whole being comes alive,
at the touch of your warmth.

You walk with me in the woods,
I inhale your scent.

I dance childishly in your presence,
yet you sing to my soul,
begging my spirit to commune,
with the world you created

You come to me in the darkness of night,
whispering to me,
awakening my inner most desires,
calming my fears,
with quiet assurances,
of your love.

You pierce my heart with desire,
to care for you in the smallest,
most broken around me,
even as I feel too small,
too broken myself,
to offer my own hand.

When my heart aches to be understood,
you are but an invitation away,
waiting for the chance to touch me again.

Be with me,
I want to feel your presence,
be wrapped in your arms,
touched with your love,
undeserving as I am,
I want to be yours,
always.