Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Writer's Life

Writer's Life

Is it true?
We're all the same,
just terrified of failing?

Begging someone,
tell us our worth,
to press us,
to keep going?

Does every writer,
with bold,
prophetic,
strokes of pen,
hide the fear inside?

Is it the writers destiny,
to question every word,
to judge,
and say,
it's not enough,
of everything they pen?

Pen to paper,
a magic touch,
and yet it comes with fear,
fear of failing,
fear of falling,
short of what's enough.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Fire Drill

Today a smoke detector in the daycare I work at malfunctioned, leading to a unplanned fire drill in the cold. While fire drills are a routine thing, hearing the alarm, and looking toward the office to see the director with a face that says "what's that?" is not. If a fire drill is planned the director knows it, but when the alarm goes off and I see she doesn't know what's happening, it's down right scary. As the adrenaline rush slowly faded during my break a couple hours later I wrote this poem:


Adrenaline

Alarms sound,
My heart pounds.

"Fire Drill"
my voice is calm,
but one glance,
tells me,
this drills not planned.

My racing heart, combats,
the sureness of my voice.

"Fire Drill, line up!"
Thirteen kids,
listen quick.

Grab a clip board,
counting heads,
"You take them,
I'll help the babes."

Fueled by adrenaline,
I act with confidence.
Pick up a baby,
"I'll meet you outside."

Count the kids,
everyone's here.
Shiver in blankets,
hear the siren.

Watch the truck,
and wait to hear,
"All is clear."

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Excerpts from "My third Grade Journal"

While cleaning out our old school/craft/storage/everything room earlier we pulled out a box of workbooks and school notebooks my brother and sister and I used. I flipped through a few of the books looking at the work I did and thinking back to when I was in school. We were discussing getting rid of the used workbooks when my mom handed me a small notebook "You might want to keep this."

Wondering what it was, I took the notebook and opened the cover to see "My third Grade Journal" and my name written neatly in my best cursive. I couldn't have even told you that I had a journal in third grade, but it's neat to look back and remember the things I was doing.

In honor of the nostalgia I'm posting a few excerpts, complete with horrible spelling.


First entry:

Tuesday, September 3, 199*
This week I started school and ballet. Miss Becky is my ballet teacher again this year and, I remember most of the girls from last year. My school work is fun. I like science the best but phonics is to easy.


When Nana helped me make a quilt for my baby doll:

Wednesday, October 30, 199*
This week I made a quilt for Joy. I picked 7 different faberics. Next I cut the faberics into 3 1/2 inch squares. Then I sewed them together on my Nana's machine. Next I cut batting and backing. then I sewed the top, batting and backing together. Then I used heavy thread and made 9 knots.


When I was going to Nana's to make a quilt for my sister's doll:

Friday January 3, 199*
I'm going to Nana's house for the weekend. I am excited. me and Nana are going to sew a quilt for Emme. I thingk I'll have fun whith Nana.


Trying to sail (probably without wind):

Mach Friday 28, 199*
Today we trid to go sailing ,but we didn't, we just moddered around. I sawl a person capsised. I was in the lookout touer most of the time!!


Going on a field trip:

May Fryday 30, 199*
Today we when to fish lift. I thoght I knew how it worked but how it workes is totelly different from how I iccepted. My faverit thing was whaching fish zoom by! Nekst stop greek food festavil where we piked-up 3 gyros, 2 dissert sippers + 1 laghe sald. When we got home the kids chached into swim-suits to have some water fun!


* Year removed because I don't want to publish how old I am online.

Friday, February 20, 2009

What My Cousin Made Me Do

My pesky annoying cousin, who demands I call her wonderful and beautiful, took my laughing at her for being a sucker as saying I'm a sucker too, so now I have to be interviewed by her on my blog. Love ya Nean ;-)



The Interview:


1. If you could take a vacation (no expenses) anywhere in the world for one week, where would you go and who would you take with you?


There are a lot of places I'd love to visit for a week (or more). Someday I want to go back to Lesotho, I want to visit Scotland and Ireland, and I'd love to go to Taize, France. For a no expenses vacation, I'd probably jump at the chance to travel just about anywhere, especially if it was somewhere I could really learn about and experience another culture.


The who with part is a little trickier. I'd get too lonely if I went by myself, but I tend to need space and quiet time to think, so it would be hard to spend a whole week with someone very out going. I'd go anywhere with any of my covenant group buddies from my Africa trip, as well as a lot of the other Leadership Now people. There are people from my church and some other friends I might also choose as travel companions. As long we're talking anythings possible I could pick Fallon and some of my other ProU buddies, just because it would mean getting to meet them in person, but in reality it'd be terrifying to go away for a week with people I'd never met face to face.



2. Tell me about your dream job/career.


Do you know how ironically (un?)timely this question is? This week I've had some frustrations with my current work situation, so I've been thinking quite a bit about work and careers, what I'm doing now, and what I might eventually want to do. As difficult and frustrating as it can be at times, I love teaching and can't imagine having any other career (besides maybe eventually being a full time mom, but that would still be teaching just with kids of my own....) I think my dream place to teach at would be some kind of alternative school that emphasizes learning through living, and strongly considers student interests and learning styles when planning – something that embodies the educational values I grew up with home schooling.



3. What is your favorite way to relax?


Relax? What's that? I tend to have a hard time really relaxing. I can be lazy, waste time, etc., but that's not the same as relaxing. Even when I'm accomplishing nothing I tend to stress and worry over things and create busyness, rather than really relaxing.


To really relax I like to curl up in a blanket and drink hot tea, or lay outside watching stars (all the better if it's on the deck of a gently rocking sailboat). The right book to read, or sometimes when I write can help me relax. Connecting to nature also helps me relax, whether it's dancing in the rain, seeing the sun stream in the window, smelling crushed leaves or wood smoke, watching snow turn everything white, or feeling the wind in my hair.



4. If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?


Ah, the million dollar question.... If I had a million dollars I'd want to give some to all the organizations I support. Pro-U would get some for an over due server upgrade, as well as for the scholarship. Some would go to Leadership Now (because they're awesome!). I'd give to Schreiber for their rec programs, and maybe donate to a few other places.


I'd also want to use some to pay for college, so I could get a degree without having to worry about money or balancing work and school. I'd give some to my parents for a new kitchen and to remodel the bathroom. I would use some to travel, and I would invest/save some.


5. What kind of music do you prefer and/or what is your current favorite song and why?


My tastes in music are pretty eclectic. The music itself can be just about any style for me to like it, but for me to really love a song it's lyrics need to speak to me. I hate it when I find a song with a really cool tune, but crappy lyrics.


I think my current favorite song is “Life in the City” by Michael Franti/Spearhead because the first line of it got me thinking about something that inspired a story I'm working on, and also because the more I listen to it the more powerful the rest of the lyrics seem. Franti is definitely my favorite artist right now, just because he writes such meaningful lyrics.



Now if anyone is into this and wants to be interviewed, let me know:

  1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me" (or tell me some other way).

  2. I will pick five questions to send to you by email for you to answer.

  3. You will update your blog (or FB note) with the answers to the questions.

  4. You will include this explanation & offer to interview someone else in the same post.

  5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you choose five questions for them to answer.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

If I'm You

If I'm You
to the beautiful person who inspired this poem.

Caught in the tangle of life,
afraid to be judged,
desperate to be understood,
hiding in layers,
keeping out,
even best intentioned.

Does that sound stupid?
I laugh at myself.
Pretend it's a joke,
and no one will know,
it hurts when you laugh,
and say that's silly.

"No, I get it."
not even a laugh.

Understanding wraps around me,
like the hug I need.
Some way,
some how,
you break the layers.

Relief floods me,
knowing someone
knows me.

I wonder how
you know me,
understand me,
when I don't even understand me,

"Because you're me"
you say.

If I am you,
I hope someday,
someone,
admires me,
as much as I
admire you.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Vday Rant

It's Valentine's Day - A day of love and relationships. A celebration of intimacy, friendship, romance, and caring for others.

Or not.

In the past few days I've talked with a couple of different people about Valentine's Day, the commercialization of romance, and the inadequacy of candy hearts and roses in expressing true love. Instead of being about real love (in all it's forms), Valentine's Day has become another excuse to sell crap, tell people they need to be sexy, and devalue anyone who isn't in a romantic relationship.

Quite frankly I'm sick of all the mushy lets-be-romantic-because-it's-the day-of-love crap. If you want to be romantic you shouldn't need a special day for it, and, as a new friend reminded me earlier, romantic love isn't the only kind of love. Love is a good thing, but telling people they need a special day to love someone or that buying over priced candy, flowers, and jewelry is synonymous with love isn't a good thing.


"So if you love somebody better tell them so, coz you never ever ever no when they gonna go, if they love you back, just give thanks, can't keep love like money in the bank"
-Michael Franti, Life in the City