Tasting the Bread

Last night my church had one child attend the Christmas Eve late service. This little girl was absolutely adorable. She looked about four, had a head full of curly hair, and spent half the service whispering to what appeared to be her mom and grandmother.

When it came time for communion everyone was invited to circle around the altar table to share the bread and juice. The little girl was antsy waiting, then didn't want to take any. When everyone returned to their seats I could hear her asking her mom "why did you taste the bread?"

Though the whispers of a four year old changed the mood of what is generally the "adult" service, I found it both adorable and thought provoking listening to her. Nearly every Christian church serves communion at least occasionally, but how many adults even don't really understand why they take communion?

So this little girls question got me thinking. Why DO we "taste the bread" at communion? If a child asked me that could I even begin to answer? Do I even have a reason for it when I take communion, or am I doing it just because that's part of what we do? If it's hard for adults to understand, how can we possibly explain communion as anything more than a snack to a child?

I can't answer all the questions. In fact I'm not sure I have any good answers, but it did make me think about what communion means to me. And I realize... sometimes I'm just going through the motions. Sometimes I take communion because that's what you're supposed to do, and it really doesn't mean anything to me. Perhaps I should be ashamed to say that is probably the case more often then not.

As often as it doesn't mean anything though there are times it does. Sometimes it is exactly what I need. Sometimes I need to be told I'm loved. I need to be told God loves me enough that it doesn't matter how much I screw up or how stupid I am God is there with open arms and a precious gift. Sometimes that simple reminder of love - love directly from God in Christ and love through all the people who hold my hand even when I doubt God is there - is exactly what I need.

So I think if I were asked "why did you taste the bread?" I would have to answer that it's a reminder of God's love. That it's a reminder God loves me and you enough to give us the most precious gift that could be given, and that there is nothing more important than sharing the love God has given to all of us.

And there's my sappy Christmas post that was surprisingly difficult to write...

Breaking Through

I spent the past week as a volunteer counselor at church camp. There's nothing quite like going to camp - the great outdoors, the sunshine, the rain, the campfires, wearing the same muddy jeans all week, and *gasp* no computer!

Those of you that know me well know that leaving my computer for a whole week is a little traumatic for me. I'm used to spending every night online. I check facebook several times a day, frequently read friends blogs as soon as they post, and share more over IM than I ever say aloud.

I joke with my online friends about being addicted to the computer, but really it's not about having a screen in front of me. As easy as it is to get into the habit of sitting in front of the computer screen, the real addiction is to the instant connection with other people. Simply by logging online I make myself instantly available to anybody who might need me, and, perhaps more importantly, I have friends instantly at my fingertips almost any time I need them.

I realized this week as I took up the challenge of leaving my computer, that I depend on my online friends for instant affirmations. When I lack confidence in myself I count on my friends to tell me I'm worth while. If I don't think my writing is "good enough" I demand one of my writing buddies reads it as soon as possible, because I know they'll tell me it's better than I think it is. If I'm not sure about something, or am upset, or feeling down about something, I can usually find somebody online who understands what I'm going through, or at least can tell me it will be alright. And as long as I have online friends giving me confidence I don't need to find my own confidence.

As I spent the week camping I couldn't rely on the friends I usually chat with to give me confidence, so I was on my own. Some how I made it through the week without my computer, and I realized I was ok. I could find enough confidence in myself to get through the week, and to climb mountains, be a role model, get called a good counselor, find God in the silence, be comfort in the storm, learn from my campers, and connect with people I'll never totally forget while I was at it.

I believe.... in something

I consider myself Christian, and have attended a Christian church since I was about nine. I'm comfortable in my church home, but there are some foundational beliefs in the Christian faith that I can't help but question on occasion. In fact about the only thing I can say with certainty about my faith is that I believe there is some form of God.

Though spirituality is important to me, not being able to identify the specifics about my personal faith doesn't usually bother me. Every once in a while I get the feeling that maybe I'm not being truly honest with myself when I say I'm a Christian, but my church is a big part of my life and the church I belong to allows plenty of room for diverse understandings of faith, so I easily accept that this is where I best belong right now, even if it doesn't totally represent my personal beliefs.

Perhaps because I'm so uncertain about how to classify my own beliefs, I'm easily intrigued by other religions and other peoples faith journeys. After seeing a friend post her results to a quiz about religious beliefs, I decided to check out the quiz (http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/Quizzes/BeliefOMatic.aspx).

The Belief-O-Matic quiz is supposed to tell you what religion you practice (or should practice). Naturally, I put my results below, but I was particularly intrigued by the first suggestion. I don't know much about Wicca and other Pagan beliefs, but the more I learn about them the more they seem to align with my own beliefs. I particularly like one Wiccan description I read of God and Goddess, which could have been my own description of God and the Holy Spirit (which for as long as I remember I've seen as distinctly female) put in writing.

1.	Neo-Pagan (100%)
2.	Unitarian Universalism (92%)
3.	Liberal Quakers (89%)
4.	Reform Judaism (84%)
5.	Mahayana Buddhism (79%)
6.	New Age (78%)
7.	Jainism (75%)
8.	Baha'i Faith (69%)
9.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (67%)
10.	Sikhism (65%)
11.	Theravada Buddhism (61%)
12.	Secular Humanism (59%)
13.	Taoism (58%)
14.	Orthodox Judaism (55%)
15.	Hinduism (55%)
16.	New Thought (53%)
17.	Orthodox Quaker (53%)
18.	Islam (49%)
19.	Scientology (48%)
20.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (34%)
21.	Nontheist (34%)
22.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (28%)
23.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (27%)
24.	Seventh Day Adventist (25%)
25.	Eastern Orthodox (19%)
26.	Roman Catholic (19%)
27.	Jehovah's Witness (13%)